Was a sunny day, not a cloud was in the sky...

Today is Day 1 post egg retrieval.  Here are our current numbers:

12 eggs retrieved
9 eggs retrieved were mature and ICSI'd
6 eggs fertilized 

I'm hoping and praying our 6 embryos continue to grow and divide as they are supposed to.  It's a weird feeling because I have always believed life begins at conception...and so I guess if I think about it this way, we have 6 babies.

I'm trying not to get to over zealous as we still have several hurdles to overcome.   Several big hurdles.  However, we've come so far and I feel good about our journey and have faith in where we can go.  I'm excited, happy and above all nervous.

Today was my first PIO injection...it didn't hurt to bad but when Mr. CI removed the needle, it bled...a lot.  YUCK.  I hope the future shots will bode better for us.   Today, I'm still sore and tired and hoping my embryos grow and develop as they should.  Please let this be happening and please let this work for us.  Please.

And the sky is flecked with signs of hope...

RETRIEVAL DAY!!!!

We have....(drumroll please)...12 eggs!!!!!!!!!!!!!  TWELVE EGGS!!!!

Overall, everything went relatively well.  We showed up at the center at 7:45am for our procedure.  They took me back, had me change into a gown and then started my IV.  Despite years of hiding my actual weight from Mr. CI---today he heard it...oh well.

The nurse that did my IV gave me a shot of lidocaine prior to putting the IV in.  Apparently she is self diagnosed as 'messy' and while it didn't hurt...there was blood...everywhere.  I didn't even look but saw blood soaked towels and gauze pads and felt the nurse 'cleaning me off.'  YUCK!!!  

I gave Mr. CI a kiss and then the drugs started taking affect and they wheeled me into the OR and next thing I know---I woke up in the recovery area.

I only had slight cramping and spotting but my first question was, how many eggs did they get.  Apparently some of them were smaller but they still got more than we thought---which is great news.

Poor Mr. CI had anxiety over his performance...and couldn't perform.  He was so stressed about it that it was consuming him when he came into recovery...so of course my blood pressure started sky rocketing. It all ended up with me going to the lab with Mr. CI and 'helping him' achieve what needed to be done.  The whole time all I could think was 'don't pass out' but I couldn't show him how badly I felt because we needed to calm him down and get the job done.

All in all---Mr. CI's sample was great and our ICSI was performed this afternoon.  We will get a call tomorrow before noon to tell us how many eggs fertilized.

Here's to hoping and praying we have fertilized eggs in the morning.  Oh and I start PIO injections in the morning---yuck---but I'll do what needs to happen.

Praying that everything continues to go well and succeed for us.  I'm tired and sore---slept most of the day and going back to bed soon.

I'm gonna watch you shine, gonna watch you grow...

We went back to the Dr. again today.  The Dr. said we have 7 really great follicles and a few others that may have 'potential.'  Mr. CI and I were ecstatic!  This feels like great news.

Egg retrieval is set for Friday morning at 7:45am.  We did our Novarel trigger shot tonight--the first intramuscular shot of the series---it went well but I was very nervous about it.  I HATE IM shots.  HATE, HATE, HATE them!!!!

Thanks for all your prayers, please keep us in them...if you don't mind. :)

I always thought that TTC as a journey is so much like a roller coaster...but it's nothing compared to the roller coaster ride that IVF has to offer.  With every step there is another 'gate' that needs to be passed or overcome...with each step you become more invested and with each step failure becomes a bigger fear.  Last cycle when we were cancelled mid-way through stimulation shots, I was devastated.  But, I can only glimpse at the devastation, cancellation or 'negative' could be if this doesn't work out.  I'm trying to stay positive and will push to remain so but each step still keeps me relaxing with deep breaths and each hurdle makes way for another.  Mr. CI equated this to the fact that this wouldn't end should we become parents but somehow that feels different.

Who knows.

I'm grateful, hopeful and fearful.  Nerves suck.

How the heart approaches what it yearns...

I suppose today is day 10---although I haven't really thought much about number of days.  I'm more focused on number of follicles; number of estradiol; praying every moment I can.

Today---I went (again) for bloodwork and an ultrasound.  My estradiol level is at 290---which is apparently good although I cannot find anything on the internet to support that....but I'm not going to discount what my Dr. said.  We went from 9 follicles on Saturday to 7-8 follicles today.

I immediately got sad when I heard we went down.  I suppose this is just the way it is but I'm really hoping we stay where we are---have quality over quantity and have success.  I'm praying over and over for this.  If you are reading this, please say a prayer for me...for us.

I go back to the Dr. tomorrow for more blood work and another ultrasound.  As of today--I had to order one more day of stimulant medicine for tomorrow night and we were told that retrieval will most likely be on Friday.  I'm thinking that all of this will most likely be confirmed tomorrow.

I'm excited, nervous, scared and constantly praying for this miracle; for this to be successful; to get over the next hump.  Each point on this journey becomes a 'hump' to get over--and I'm praying we can go all the way and have this miracle.

I believe, I feel, I pray, I hope, I dream for, I pray, I long for, I pray...please bless us with this miracle.  Please.

It took a little time, but you calmed me down...

Today was the day...the last cycle was cancelled on this day.

My period stopped yesterday (thank goodness).

My bloodwork was at 29 on Wednesday and now it is at 139.

My ultrasound showed 9 (NINE) follicles!!!!  YAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!  My Dr. said that this is 'less than he would have hoped for from someone my age but that this was really good.'  He said the chances of cancellation now are very small.  He also said that he would like me to be on some additional days of stimulants...so it appears that my cycle will extend a few days.  I will find this out on Monday.

I go back on Monday for blood work and an ultrasound again.  I will get my updated schedule then and I will also order some additional medicine as well.

I cannot tell you how relieved I am right now.  Mr. CI and I have been so nervous..we drove in silence holding hands this AM on the way to the fertility center.  I've officially gotten further this cycle than last. We still have many more steps to get through.  I've been praying every spare moment I have and will continue to do so.  I'm so grateful that we've made it this far and really hope we make it all the way.  I have faith and hope and fear.  Please make this work, please make this work, please make this work, please make this work....this is and will be my mantra.  

Still, when I think of the road we're traveling on; I wonder what's gone wrong.

Today is day 5 of my cycle and day 3 of stimulation shots.

I went to the Dr. on Sunday for an ultrasound and blood work.  My period never showed up but the Dr. wasn't worried about that.  I got a call in the PM saying my numbers came back and we were good to go starting Lupron that evening.  So, on Sunday night---I had my first Lupron shot.

On Monday and since then I have had a Lupron shot (20 units) in the AM and the PM along with a stimulant cocktail of 300 iu Gonal-F and 150 iu Menopur.


Last night after my shots, I started feeling really bad....and then my period arrived.  :(

I went to the Dr. this morning for blood work and asked about my period.  The nurse looked at my chart and said that my baseline numbers were very low...which was probably because my period hadn't arrived.  She stated she thought that my numbers today would also be low because of this.  I asked her if I should be concerned and she said, 'cross your fingers that you catch up.'

This afternoon the FC called and left a message that said, 'your bloodwork came back and Dr. X wants you to continue with your protocol and come in for bloodwork and an ultrasound on Saturday which it looks like Cindy already scheduled for you.  See you then.'  Because I'm a freak about all of this shit...I of course called back to inquire about my period and whether that would be a concern.  The nurse told me that my number was lower than they would have hoped; that there is nothing I can do about the bleeding; that the bleeding should stop because of the medicine I'm on and to not stress over it.

Of course because last cycle was cancelled (I was over-surpressed and under stimulated) I'm freaking out.  I'm trying to convince myself it's still early and that I have a fighting chance with this but it's hard.  Mr. CI is also trying not to be down but I see it also making him sad.

I'm going to pray extra hard for this to work.  I can't do all this for nothing, again. 

And I said yeah, maybe I think too much...

I haven't written much because I haven't felt the desire to and I haven't had that much to say.

I took my last BCP on 10/21 and had my first U/S and bloodwork done today.  My period has not shown up, yet.  The ultrasound looked good and I will get a call later today about the bloodwork with 'hopefully' the go-ahead to begin injections tonight.

Assuming all is a go--I get my first injection of Low Dose Lupron (LDL) tonight and then for the next 8 or so days I will get a LDL shot every morning and every evening and then also stimulant shot in the evening as well.  My next appointment is on 10/28 for bloodwork only.

I hate giving blood.  I hate needles.  I hate shots.  I think I hate the shots more than I hate the bloodwork.  I hate it all.  My one saving grace is this could work for us.  This is what will get me through the anxiety, the stress, the nerves and the fear.  I've been praying extra hard (if that's even possible) for a miracle...for this.

It's almost surreal this time...since last cycle was cancelled I can feel myself taking this one small step at a time...just in case.